


I Want To Be Normal

by ABladeOfIves



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Sam, Bisexual Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Multi, Other, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, Young Dean Winchester, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 17:09:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7323691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABladeOfIves/pseuds/ABladeOfIves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young Sam Winchester discovers his sexuality and decides to come out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want To Be Normal

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this very late and the gif prompt was pretty difficult so this is a bit shit, whoops. I loosely based it on my own experiences of my bisexual youth, so I guess what Sam is feeling is pretty realistic to me. Oh well, I worked a sbest I can with it. Hope you enjoy anyway. xx

He pulled the warm blankets over his shoulders and switched on the torch. Endlessly flicking through the pages of a men’s underwear magazine. “I’m just curious”, he thought. After several minutes, he finally folds up the magazine and lies on his back. One model, in particular, stuck in his mind. Sandy brown hair and blue eyes. Sam thought about him for a while and finally, forced himself to stop. 

He wasn’t curious about this man, not at all. He was, beyond any doubt attracted to him. He sighed and covered his face with his hands. He threw off his blankets and climbed out into the cold room. Quietly opening the drawers, he looked for one of the magazines that Dean kept a secret, apart from Sam of course. He picked one, climbed back into bed, switched on the torch and studied the women. He found one he liked and settled for it. She was attractive, with pretty hair an an athletic figure. He felt better. He felt normal. He felt how any boy SHOULD feel. 

***  
He pulled his loose coat, a size or two, too big him, tighter around his torso. It used to belong to Dean. Thanks to no supper for a week, Dean could buy himself a brand new coat. Dark denim blue with leather sleeves, and so Sam was left with the old army green jacket. He didn’t mind though, he always admired it, and even though the pockets were worn, it was still his. Not Dean’s, not dads, it was Sam’s green coat now. And besides, he could always hide things in the inside pockets, like notes from his friends or pens that he stole. 

He made it to the school yard and swallowed hard, a queasy feeling building at the bottom of his stomach. He hated school. He never got along with many of his classmates. He moved from school to school every few months and yet they all seemed the same. “Egotistical, self-centred bullies”, he thought. There was something different about here though. Sam at least managed to make one good friend. Edward Evans, his name was, or “Eddie” as Sam liked to call him. A red haired, chubby kind of boy. He had big green eyes and usually wore blue and black and all sorts of dark colours. Sam never understood that about him. 

He made his way across the school yard to the bench. He unzipped his school bag and pulled out a book. “A How To Guide to Ghosts and Ghouls, by Tim Andrews.” It was a children’s book, but you never know what truth could be found in there. “Dad would be proud.” Sam thought. “Hey, dork.” An older boys voice sounded near him. Sam looked up and seen his older brother, smiling down. “Almost time for class, where’ve you been?” 

“I woke up late”, the younger boy pouted and he buried his head back into the book. “What'cha reading?” Without waiting for an answer, Dean pulled the book from his hands. A frown formed upon his face. “Really Sammy? What’d I tell you? We don’t think about this stuff at school alright? Dad told me to take care of you and that means your education too.” Oh, honestly, doesn’t he ever stop nagging? It’s Sam that gets left at home all the time, so what gives Dean the right to boss him around? Sam is his own boss. 

“Yeah, whatever, hand it back.”, the younger brother sighed Dean passed over the book but didn’t let go until he had the last say. “Get your ass to Miss Rovers room or you’ll be on detention again. I’m not cooking dinner late this time, buddy.” With that Dean walked through the beige doors and was lost in the crowd. 

***  
The bell rang and Sam took his seat just on time. He spotted Eddie, just behind him and gave a short wave. The lesson began. Within five minutes of Miss Rover asking about the essays issued last weekend, Sam felt a poke at his shoulder. He turned around and Eddie was passing him a note. He discretely opened it and read. He didn’t mind not paying attention. He has to move again and again so he wasn’t going to learn anyway. 

“You won’t BELIEVE what I heard yesterday.”, the note read. Sam smiles and writes back. “Talk about it at lunch?” and he handed it back to Eddie. 

***  
The clock struck half one and Sam made his way to the library. He and Eddie never ate at the cafeteria. There was always something thrown at them. He pushed the heavy oak door and happily found his way to their secret hideout. Isle four, section C. It was a little nook behind the computers, they had somewhere to lay down their lunch, store books to laugh at and have a general talk at how douchey those boys from class are and how saggy Miss Rover looked in a pencil skirt. They laughed and laughed and enjoyed the best part of the day. 

“The note!” Sam demanded. “What did you hear?” Eddie smirked and leaned in closer. “Look Sam, what I’m about to tell you is a secret. You have to promise that you won’t tell anyone okay?” “I promise!”, Sam swore.“ Eddie continued, "You know Katie from the year above, right? The girl in the school newspaper last month. She won a trophy for the spelling bee. I seen her leave yesterday with her friends, they were talking about boyfriends. She doesn’t have one! I like her Sam, I really like her!” Sam stayed silent, until he suddenly burst out with laughter. “Katie? With the black hair and glasses? Are you serious?”, he mocked. “Hey!” Eddie defended, “It isn’t funny, I really like her! You better not tell anyone.” 

Sam settled and began to feel a little guilty. “You know I’m not gonna tell, I don’t have anyone to tell and I guess her smile is kinda cute.” Eddie relaxed and looked at his friend with expectation. “Go on, then.”, he said. “Tell me one of your secrets.” Sam could trust his friend, he thought. I mean, he was his only friend and to his knowledge, nobody else liked Eddie either. Could he tell the ginger haired boy something that he couldn’t even tell Dean? 

“Well,” he swallowed. Sam let out a sigh, “you really, really promise not to tell anyone? My brother and my dad would be so angry if it ever got out and the douchebags in our class will never let me live it down.”, he explained. “I promise!”, his friend answered. Sam looked him the eyes, “I have never, ever told anyone. I don’t think I can ever again, so listen.” He looked back down onto the floor and forced the words out as best as he could. “Eddie, I think, I think I like boys. LIKE like boys. I crush on them. I mean, I like girls too, the same way as I like boys. I don’t know why and I don’t know if I need help but I just can’t help it. I see an attractive man and I have a crush on him as I would a woman. I know it’s weird and gross.” Sam began to get upset, he felt hot tears brim at his eyes. “I wish … I wish I was normal.” 

Eddie leaned back, “Isn’t that bi-something?” “What?” Sam asked. “There’s a name for that,” Eddie continued. “It’s called bi-curious or something. Like you aren’t gay, obviously, because you said you like girls. But isn’t liking both called bi-curious?” “I don’t know …” Sam answered, he felt a wave of relieve fall over his body. There was a name for he was feeling? Great. That meant he isn’t alone with it, at least. Other people have felt what he felt and maybe he could learn about it, possibly fix it. “I bet we can find it in a book!” Eddie proclaimed and he stood up waiting for Sam. “You don’t hate me?” Sam asked. “What? No.” Eddie sounded confused and he bounded for the biology section of the library. 

Sam stood up, leaving his lunch and ran after him. The skimmed through many pages of many books and found nothing. The moved from biology, to chemistry to physics an none of them mentioned the word “bi-curious” like Eddie had said. However, Sam’s friend was determined not to give up. “I know I heard that word somewhere, Sam! Keep looking.” 

***  
After twenty minutes of searching, the two boys found a section on health, fitness and social experimenting. This was the type of crap they’d have to read in Mr. Snows class but it was worth a try. “There! I found it!” Eddie exclaimed loudly. “I told you!” Sam took the book and laid it out in front of them both. Together they read the page. “List of known sexual orientations.” They read. 

“Homosexual (gay); sexually attracted to people of one’s own sex.” Only sometimes. “Heterosexual (straight); sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex.” Again, only sometimes! “Bisexual; romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior toward both males and females, or romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity; this latter aspect is sometimes alternatively termed pansexuality.” “There! See? I was half right. You’re bisexual!” Eddie told him. 

Sam didn’t feel like speaking, in fact he wasn’t sure how he was feeling. After a couple minutes silence he turned to his friend, “So, I’m normal then?” he asked. “Must be, it says so here.” Eddie answered. 

***  
Sam waited in his room for Dean to come home. He went out on a late snack supply again. They both craved Cheetos, so why not buy them before bed? Dad wasn’t there to tell them not to. 

When Dean got home he threw the large bag of sweets and chips at his younger brother while carrying his own. “No lunch tomorrow Sammy, but tell me this isn’t worth it?” The younger boy smiled at him and tore into the paper bag. Dean sat on his bed which was next to Sam’s and asked about his day. “So? You talk to that red head again? Whatshisname?”, he asked opening the wrapper to a chocolate bar. “Eddie, his name’s Eddie.” Sam told him. 

“And yeah, we spoke about crushes.” “What’re you a girl?” Dean mocked. “So who does the ginger like, eh?” Even though Eddie was his friend, Sam couldn’t help but giggle at Dean’s mocking. “Just a girl, we both know.” Sam said. He would keep his friends secret. “And what about you, Sammy? Who’s the girl of your dreams?” Dean asked. 

Sam stopped rummaging and took a deep breath. “Well, actually, I said something different.” Dean didn’t notice the change in his younger brothers voice. “Yeah? What’d you tell him then?” “I told him I like girls but I also like boys too, we found out that I’m bisexual.” Sam waited for Dean’s response. Was he going to be angry? Was he going to tell dad? “Well, duh.” Dean answered. “Are there any particulars?” 

Sam looked at his older brother strangely. “Is that it?” “Is that what?” Dean asked, and then he realised. He looked at Sam, “Wait, you seriously think I didn’t notice the magazines?” Sam felt his cheeks and forehead turn hot and he knew he was bright scarlet. With that Dean gave a sly smile. “Really Sammy? You might want to practice hiding your secrets a bit better before dad finds out.” 

“So like, you don’t care?” Sam asked. “Why would I care? Men look pretty good at times, I get it. I can’t blame you for liking them. Look Sammy, whether you bring home a boyfriend, a girlfriend, whatever. You’re still my little brother and it’s still my job to look after you. Just be careful out there, it can be dangerous to be like that. But I’ll defend you all I can until you’re old enough to take care of yourself, okay?” The younger boy stood up and wrapped his arms around his brothers neck. “Thanks Dean,” he said, “that means a lot to me.” Dean felt a smile form across his face and he let go of his sibling. “Okay, okay, don’t get all soppy about it. Eat the food and go to sleep.” 

***  
Lights were out and Sam crawled into bed, his arms almost numb from the cold, he pulled up the blankets as far as they would go. From behind him he heard his older brother call for him. “Hey Sam …” “What?” he answered. Dean stayed silent for a moment and then spoke again. “No magazines.”, he mocked. “Oh, shut up!” Sam answered, irritated. And then he slept.

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this is kinda, sorta a drabble? Hope you mostly enjoyed it anyway. xx I'll leave a link to the GIF prompt in the comments.


End file.
